A New Body Measurement System

I need to be lighthearted about how I approach eating less and working out more. Let's face it, it's not the most fun idea. It means giving up extra brownies and full fat lattes. It means getting up early in the morning, before the birdies start chirping, to puff and sweat with a DVD of an overly chipper workout coach. Yuck. To the sweat, that is.

So, as I thought about how to document my progress, I decided to create my own version of body measurements.

If you're working on getting in shape, and you want to record your progress in inches, try my 5-point measurements and record them somewhere. If you're brave, post them in a comment below! All you need to get started is a flexible measuring tape.

Measurement #1- Muffin Top

First, we measure our muffin tops. Get out your favorite pair of jeans. Not the ones that you just purchased because nothing fits, the pair that you can comfortably wear as long as you do some deep knee bends and stretches after you get them zipped.

Now, look in the mirror. See that part that hangs over the top of your jeans? That's the muffin top. I know, seeing that made you hungry, but don't stop for a snack. Measure around that muffin top.

Measurement #2 - "The Girls"

Now, it's time to measure the girls. Delicate subject, I know. But it's a backhanded way of tracking back fat too (pun intended). I'm sorry if you're a male reader; just measure your pectorals and move on.

Wrap the measuring tape around your upper back and under your arms and around to the front meeting the ends together at the, ahem...widest point. This point ought to be well above your belly button, providing you're properly supported and you've survived any  trauma related to post-childbirth.

Measurement #3 - Junk in the Trunk

Moving down to the area we'd all like to diminish, it's time to see how much junk you have in the trunk. Measure around your hips and buttocks at the widest point. Don't gasp. Just write the number down.

Measurement #4 - Cellulite Packs

In case you aren't familiar with cellulite, it's that lumpy stuff that looks like the dimply surface of a good focaccia bread, only this isn't good. Your best cellulite stores are likely packed on your thighs, so let's measure those. Stand with both feet on the ground, slightly apart. Measure one of your thighs at the widest point.

If you have trouble balancing, contorting, and measuring at the same time, you can ask a friend to help. But get someone you trust with the knowledge of the size of your cellulite packs.

Measurement #5 - Pendularms

Finally, measure your pendularms, you know, your pendulum arms. This is the part of the arm that keeps waving hello after you stop. Again, this might be difficult to measure by yourself, but if you can buckle a watch or put on a bracelet with one hand, you can do this. If not, ask someone in your household to help you and pretend you're getting fitted for swim floaties. Measure around the widest part of your upper arm with your arm dangling by your side.

I contorted and measured, and gasped and here are my results:

Muffin Top: 43.5"

"The Girls": 44.5"

Junk in the Trunk: 48"

Cellulite Packs: 27"

Pendularms: 14"

Now it's your turn...(copy and paste into your comments if you dare)

Muffin Top:

"The Girls":

Junk in the Trunk:

Cellulite Packs:

Pendularms: